Cancer Is Just a Dependent Clause

Thanks to the generosity of the past two weeks, I have surpassed the minimum fundraising threshold for participating in the Komen 3-Day walk!

It continues to be a source of deep happiness as donors give me cause to appreciate the wonderful relationships in my world.

This week kicked off with a generous donation from Lillian. Taking stock of my favorite Lillian moments provides the added bonus of thinking about the halcyon days of little kid parenting - when everything revolved around fun. It is to Lillian that I owe the experience of coming home from the last day of school carnival with a dozen goldfish in individual glass bowls. Asking Lillian for a ride to the doctor somehow mutated into an entire girls’ weekend in LA. Only Lillian would celebrate the completion of her closet by inviting a group of little girls to have a fashion show complete with fascinators. It is so wonderful to have a friend whose hobby is creating wild surprises!

Nicole’s Komen contribution recalled countless hours listening to Haley’s voice soar or watching Nick and Daphne navigate ridiculous improv scenarios while Ella showed me the treasures in whichever extravagant purse she had filled to entertain herself during her older siblings’ activities. I am eternally grateful for the many wonderful humans who have become part of my life thanks to my children, and Nicole and her talented kids belong to that special group.

Tom and Leslie Abram are among the cousins who welcomed Thomas into a long tradition of family Gauchos when he decided to attend UCSB. My earliest memory of Leslie was visiting her parents’ house and learning signs from her mom’s enormous ASL dictionary with Leslie and her sister Toni while her dog Champ tried to gain our attention. I was so excited to have the attention of these sophisticated, grown-up cousins.

Seeing a donation from Stacie and Bernie Gines was a reminder of how many amazing people the sport of hockey has allowed us to befriend. I remember hours of laughter in hotel lobbies during CAHA weekends. Shared laughter watching Daphne, the Pied Piper of the little brothers, lead Sean and Brian on some adventure in the rink that was sure to result in three extremely grubby but happy kids. And it was a reminder of how generous Stacie was when I needed advice shortly after my breast cancer diagnosis and how watching her thrive provided a path for me to follow.

Given the plethora of tales of cancer shredding lives and connections, it is wonderful when cancer reunites. I was fortunate to be in Michigan on the day friend and adopted family Pam received her final infusion and adjourned directly to a local bar to celebrate.

Her celebration was a testament to a life of building bonds. The event was hosted by a former client, who expressed her gratitude for Pam’s services as an attorney and subsequent friendship to each attendee. It was organized by a court reporter encountered professionally and turned friend.

A smile that says "no more chemo"!

Seeing all those who gathered in love of Pam validates my belief in living THROUGH cancer. It was my absolute conviction that I never wanted to look back at “the year I had cancer.”

Rather, I wanted to remember seeing my daughter on stage for what might be the last time given her future goals. I wanted to appreciate having both of my children home together for what could be the last lengthy time frame. Burn conversations with Thomas during hours in the car into my permanent memory banks.

I didn’t want to miss any of the exciting life happening in my world because of cancer.

I acknowledge that my ability to do so was facilitated by the economic capacity to focus on the things I wanted to do and limit the things I had to do - but I kept reminding myself, I can be tired sitting in the stands at a lacrosse game or I could be pissed off sitting at home missing the lacrosse game.

It seemed better to get my butt in those stands.

My team facilitated this endeavor. Todd and Thomas stood ready to drive me everywhere and tote chairs, cushions, blankets - whatever I deemed necessary to be comfortable. Daphne helped make cancer itself into an adventure, selecting a short pink haircut to bring energy to the pre-hair loss portion of the agenda and acting as videographer as Thomas shaved my hair off when it became an annoyance.

It turns out that being cancer girl is a marvelous motivator among parent volunteers! I’m pretty sure all my friends were afraid of how much I might take on - so every whim I voiced miraculously was accomplished, and I was able to revel in the last year of being “that mom” who always plans the social stuff for the kids’ activities - seeing more accomplished with less personal commitment than ever.

Cancer stinks. It breaks, and it steals. But it can be a footnote. It can be the dependent clause. “While I had cancer, I did many amazing things and enjoyed life.”